I’m back

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged.  Alot has happened too.

For starters I lost my job last year, right after Thanksgiving.  The best part was, I was fired for saying the word “pissed”.  Feel free to laugh.  Not going to lie, it hurt like a motherfucker.  I never felt so lost in my life.  I busted my ass at this place for 7 years and got nothing in return.  The last two years there I had a real dick for a boss.  He never liked me and my feelings were mutual.  He never appreciated the work I did, never got any positive feedback from him and he was just waiting for the opportunity to let me go.  He was a gutless wonder the day he fired me too.

Anyways, took me til the end of March to find a new job.  That much time off of work literally drove me nuts.  You can only watch so much bad TV.  So I got a new job, with WAY less pay but I get to be myself which makes up for that.

Started my new job at the start of April and my first week there, my mother in law died unexpectedly.  Talk about a shot to the gut.  I loved this woman.  She never made me feel like I had to act different or judged me (at least that I’m aware of).  She was amazing to me from the very beginning.  This was a had loss for me.  Still hurts like hell and I miss her daily.  Sometimes I’ll be driving to work and I’ll start crying because a memory will pop into my head and then I realize, I’ll never see her again.

Another hard struggle for me since then has been weight.  I was down to 146 around the 1st of the year.  Now I’m pushing 165-170.  How?  I don’t know.  I exercise, I eat right, I do everything right and can’t lose anything.  I’ve done Weight Watchers and let me just say that was a BIG fucking waste of money.  Everytime I see one of those stupid fucking commercials on TV I want to throw my fist through it.  “Oh it’s just so simple I lost 10lbs within the first week, blah blah blah”  Suck it bitch.  Oh ya and the online help?  That’s a waste too.  They do nothing to help.  Whores.  So I just sit here and gain and gain and gain.  I have a doctor’s appt soon and I swear if she doesn’t help me I’m going to flip out.  The past 2 years all she’s done is remind me that I’ve consistently gained weight.  Ya, like I didn’t know that by the fact I can’t fit into half my clothes?  Thanks Captain Obvious.  What would I do without you.

I don’t think most understand how frustrating it is to try and lose weight or how it feels when you no longer like looking in a mirror, going shopping or having your picture taken because you feel fat and ugly.  I used to LOVE fashion, now I don’t even like getting dressed.  I used to think I had a great smile, makeup and hair.  Now I just feel gross.

I decided to blog again because I feel it’s the only outlet I have anymore and you can either read it and like it or don’t.  I don’t care.  This blog might be depressing some days and some days it might contain utter nonsense.  I may end up offending people and I’m not trying to, I’m just expressing myself because life is too short to just live by the rules all the time and keep opinions to yourself.

Just sayin.

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Ebola, ya I said it

Let me start off by stating my appreciation and thanks to all in the medical profession.  This is not a personal attack on any of you, I’m just venting.

I am soooooooooooooooooo sick of hearing about Ebola!  Turn on the news and that’s the ONLY fucking thing you hear about.  Yes it’s a serious and deadly disease, this I am aware of but come the fuck on!

Now the second nurse to treat the Dallas dude is infected with the disease and traveled during her illness.  My question is…………….why the FUCK was she allowed to travel to begin with!  Yes she was cleared by the CDC but honestly if it would have been me and knowing how contagious this is, there is no way I would have gotten on a plane.  I would have been taking several anti bacterial filled baths and basically scrubbed my skin off. 

I was talking to my husband last night and going completely off about this because people at work cannot shut the fuck up about it.  Now I may be WAY off on this but here was my solution.  If you treat an infected patient, quarantine your damn self for like 2 months or something until you know for a fact that you don’t have it, then go live you life.  You treat a patient, you’re quarantined, done!  Why isn’t this an option?! 

Now I do not work in the medical profession and I have quite a few friends in the nursing profession and I’m not blaming you so don’t get all defensive and get your panties in a bunch.  I’m simply asking a question and a question I believe to be quite valid. 

Then they show these nurses being transported and they are making them walk?!  What the fuck?  Um typically aren’t they supposed to be in a wheelchair or a gurney of some sort?  Nope, it’s like saying, “Bitch you’re not sick, fucking walk, you have two legs.”  Screw you dickhead I have the Ebs (yes I nicknamed the disease) and I need to lay down cause I’m going to start bleeding out of every orifice pretty soon and my ass will explode like Mt Vesuvius. (Granted I have no idea if that happens nor if Mt Vesuvius is even an active volcano, it’s just a rant so deal).

Let’s move on to the dog they decided to murder (yep murder) in Spain shall we.  His owner was infected who was a nurse treating a patient, therefore they decided, “well let’s kill the dog because they dog might have it and might infect others, etc…”.  No proven evidence of this yet but ya, let’s kill him.  Does this mean we should kill all the humans that have it so it doesn’t spread?  Yet another valid question that will get everyone all worked up because an animal is different from a human (says you not me).  Fuck that noise.  My dog is my family, you attack my dog, you attack me.  You attack me, I’ll come at you like a spider monkey.  Got that.

Just sayin.

side note:  moved my daily looks to my fashion page of this blog if you are at all interested in seeing what clothing looks like on a size 10/12 who happens to have real curves and not curves that people apparently say JLo has. 

 

MIA

Apparently a couple of my readers have been wondering why I haven’t blogged lately. I ran out of ammo. I just had no motivation and didn’t want to just write about nonsense. Although there are things still pissing me off on a daily basis (shocking) I just haven’t had the energy to write it out and most of it is work related which I keep off of my blog for professional reasons and I like to be able to pay my bills 🙂

 

Weather

Lately it has been quite rainy here in good ole Milwaukee, WI and for some reason this has greatly upset drivers and you would think that it was a blizzard and the roads were made out of ice. I mean seriously people, its water, it’s not frozen and it won’t hurt you but I might if you don’t pull your head out of your ass and drive you damn car. Now if it were snow………….then they’d drive like complete idiots and cause accidents. Fucking tools.

Ahhhh that felt good

 

 

It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood

Let’s move onto my neighbors, I have a story for all of them, but will only tell one today.

Our next door neighbors on one side of us are twin boys who are in their early 20’s. They used to be nice when their mom was alive and their step dad lived there. Now that both are gone they have turned into little assholes. Granted, they keep the house (at least the outside from what I know) very nice and have done a lot of work to it but that does not give you the right to criticize my house or what I do to it or don’t do to it. The other day they finally decided to talk to my husband but only to tell him that they know someone that can cut our pine tree down because they notice it’s growing into our maple tree. What the fuck is the big damn deal! Maybe I like tree porn and I want to see the pine tree and maple tree get it on, what fucking business is it of yours? Is it bother you that much? Do you not have anything else better to do then look up at our trees? Get a fucking life! They constantly criticize our backyard and the plants and what not as well. Guess what fuckers, I happen to like my weeds OK! I think I grow the best damn weeds in the city and some of them grow pretty flowers OK and I like it! So suck on that! Maybe you should get a girlfriend (or boyfriend I don’t care), or a hobby that doesn’t include staring at our yard. Weirdos.

 

Work annoyances that everyone deals with

Not saying “good morning”. Why can’t I just say hi or hello? What if I’m not having a good morning and don’t want to say it? I hate that damn phrase. No, not good morning, it’s fucking Monday and I haven’t had coffee yet so you should be happy that I even made eye contact with you and wipe that fucking smile off your face, no one is that happy in the morning and if they are, they’re sick in the head.

Sending me an instant message to tell me to call you. What the fuck? Um, pick up your phone and call me. Why am I calling you? I don’t feel the need to talk to you right now, you’re the one that wants to talk to me so dial my extension.

Emailing me then calling me or coming up to my desk to tell me you emailed me or calling me to tell me the exact same thing you just emailed me. Are you bored? Do you not have enough work to do because I do and now I have to sit here and listen to you tell me you emailed me and what that email says. And if I don’t respond right away, holy hell the world just ended. I’m sorry, I have 100 emails I’m going through and yours is at the bottom of that list so I will get to it when I get to it. Calm the fuck down and breathe.

Just sayin.

 

To end my blog for the day I’m going to post a story about my cousin’s puppy that passed away over the weekend. This was far too soon for this little guy and it breaks my heart. The rescue Woof Gang is taking donations and I know just a month ago I went off about donating but I’m not asking or telling anyone to do this. If you want to, post on this blog and I can get you the address. If you don’t, don’t worry its fine, there is absolutely no obligation. I’m very passionate about dogs and animals in general so this really touched my heart.

This St. Bernard puppy, Lambeau, was in the process of being fostered/adopted by my cousin. Woof Gang Rescue saved him and drove to Kentucky before they were going to euthanize him to bring him to Racine. Krista & Cruz fell in love with him and found a little brother for their Leo. Unfortunately after only a few days in his forever home he started to get sick and they found he had parvovirus (which he was previously tested negative for) Woof Gang Rescue shelter went above and beyond to help him depleting all their funds (not to mention the owners personal money for vet bills ) but little Lambeau didn’t make it and crossed the rainbow bridge with so many bad shelters out there it is good to know we have a rescue like this right in our own backyard to help these babies find homes ..Please join me if you are able to make a donation to help them continue their work and find dogs families to love them…
RIP little guy.

Lambeau

Read With Open Mind

Subject matter may contain sensitive material to some readers, my apologies as I mean no offense. 

Typically I do NOT discuss a few things:

  • Politics
  • Religion
  • Abortion
  • Racism

However, today I’m going to touch on a subject that is very sensitive to some but I can’t hold back and for the first time, I don’t feel like I should.  I have mentally prepared myself for some backlash on this blog post as well.

By now I’m sure you all have heard or seen the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. If you haven’t, you’ve been living under a rock. In case you have, let me enlighten you. For starters I would like to say that on the ALS website for the Ice Bucket Challenge can you find NO information on the definition of the challenge so I had to do some digging. Score 1 point for being thorough ALS. From what I understand (and I honestly don’t care if I’m wrong), there are two options:

  • You donate to ALS, and from what I read it’s supposed to be $100

OR

  • You dump a bucket of ice water over your head and post the video to wherever and nominate 3 others to do so

My Facebook feed has been completely taken over by this movement to the point where I can’t handle it.

I was going to keep my mouth shut until I was nominated (if I would be nominated) and I was. I refused it. I refused to donate to ALS and I refused to dump ice water over my head and record it. This has upset quite a few people and I’m sorry it does. I do not feel that I should be told who to give my money to, why, and be told what to do if I don’t. I’m sorry but I think this challenge is becoming extortion and that’s just MY opinion.

So I didn’t do the challenge and I donated to ASPCA instead because I’m an avid animal lover and they can’t speak to ask for help so I want to help be their voice. This did NOT agree well with others and in the end I ended up signing off of Facebook for a while because I didn’t feel like I should be criticized for my opinion. I work hard for my money I don’t feel that I should be told where I need to put it. I get told that monthly by my mortgage lender, credit card companies and other collectors. It’s called a BILL.

I realize this is a touchy subject for some of you that read this and I need to further explain my actions. I am fully aware of ALS, how many people it affects and how progressive the disease is. I pray that my loved ones and family members never get the disease. I feel completely awful for those that have the disease (and yes I have seen the video of the young man who just was diagnosed with the disease and his mother and grandmother have/had the disease). I’m not dead inside. I have a really bad guilty conscious and the following things run through my mind on a constant basis with donations to charity:

  • What if someone you loved got the disease and you didn’t donate to the cause?
  • What if you got the disease and you never donated to the cause?

Well that’s something I need to burden if it comes to it.

I’ve lost many loved ones to diseases. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 16 years old. I watched cancer take over her entire body in a month’s time. I know what loss feels like when it hits close to home. There are many diseases that run in my family and I’m sure one of them will be the death of me too. Cancer, mental illness, heart disease, obesity, etc…. Do I donate to all those causes? No, I don’t have that kind of money. Do I start a charity for any of those causes, no cause I’m lazy. These are all the things that run through my mind so no one needs to inform me of any of it. I’m very well aware of it all but I CANNOT let it all get to me otherwise I’ll just end up giving all my money to everyone and have nothing left for my personal bills and myself and my family will end up on the streets because my conscious got the best of me.

There are many, many illnesses out there that have no money to be able to conduct studies to find a cure. ALS got lucky and are getting theirs because someone cared enough to get a viral charity going and in a few months, it will all be forgotten about and something else will take the media by storm. So for now, just let people have their opinions and if they want to do the challenge they will, if they don’t, don’t criticize them because that makes you NO better than anyone else who doesn’t want to do the challenge.  

Just sayin.

Hello peoples!

I have decided to reformulate how my blog flows.  I have a diary full of things to rant about or just blog idea topics in general and it doesn’t really flow that well if I just regurgitate it all together.  So I’m going to pick a topic (or two if they blend together) to bitch about and leave the rest for future posts.

Then I’ve decided to move on to my weight loss journey.  Wow I think I literally just heard eyes roll.  Look you can skip this part of the blog if you would like but I hope you don’t because it’s not going to be all depressing and self-pity.  I want to share the struggles because I feel that there might be some people out there that feel the same way I do and feel alone so why not share and maybe make a few laugh right?

I will then sound off with my fashion tips, advice, rants and my daily outfit pics.

What do ya think?  Shall we get started?

 

Today’s topic of choice………………..the new I’MPERFECT American Eagle jean ad.  You can view the ad here:  http://ispot.tv/a/7jXj

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS FUCKING AD.  I get the “I’MPERFECT” / “IMPERFECT” word play, what I don’t understand is that if you’re going to choose that type of slogan, may I recommend showing more imperfections?

The ad starts out with people walking across a desert like area smiling and giggling.  It then spans to an aerial shot showing these individuals all gathering together to obviously make some sort design.  Now more people are showing up and running and laughing still all gathering and the commercial spans to a car.  Again another aerial shot.  Then the ass shot.  Ah yes because that’s one hell of an imperfect ass.  This female (I’m 99% sure of the gender), is wearing skinny jeans and apparently doesn’t seem to have an obesity problem and the perfect ass and coveted thigh gap.  After they show a woman’s face and she smiles and ‘gasp’ has a gap in her front teeth.  The last aerial shot then shows the view of all those people gathering to show her face and the car represents the gap in her teeth.

Seriously?  This is the ad campaign you decided to go with.  Showing skinny, beautiful people and one has a tooth gap?  What the fuck is this shit?!  Oh geez, let me grab my purse and rush to the nearest store because I gotta have these jeans that make me feel perfect?  Oh wait, you didn’t show someone who has hips or an ass or a thigh gap that is nonexistent did you?  No, you went for some skinny people (men included) and showed her ass?!  How the fuck is this supposed to make others feel like you think they’re perfect or their imperfections are beautiful?  How about showing someone who has acne, overweight issue, thinning hair, uneven complexion, artificial limbs, etc…. ANYTHING!  That’s an ad campaign to make others feel that they’re imperfections mean their perfect.  That’s what shows us that no matter what we look like or what “imperfections” we have we can look great and feel great in their jeans?  Who the hell is running the show over there?

The actual concept of the ad is awesome but they could use a little in depth look into what the regular consumer views as “imperfect”.

Just sayin.

 

Now that I have that off my chest.  Weight loss.  UGH!  I’ve dealt with this issue my whole life since lovely puberty.  Before then I was a string bean.  I managed to get it under control before I got married back in 2007 with walking and staring birth control which made me nauseous in the beginning.  I also must say stress helped.  I was the skinniest I’ve ever been in my life when I got married.  THAT was all stress.  After the wedding I gained back some but I was maintaining.  Then I got put on an antidepressant, Zoloft, which brought my metabolism to a screeching halt.  Unfortunately I didn’t realize much of this until it was too late.  I asked to be taken off of it and try other medications but it was too late, the damage was done.  I went from 118 in 2007 to 130 in 2009ish, and now I’m at 155-160.  I’m completely baffled by this.

I eat right, track everything using www.myfitnesspal.com , and workout pretty much every freaking stupid day.  Does this help………….fuck no.  Nothing changes, inches nor weight.  I’d take one of the other but I get nothing.  Yes I get the health benefits but those benefits won’t help much if I’m overweight.  I can’t afford organic, clean eating.  I’ve tried the whole Cambodia and green tea extract pill combination (which by the way is a total fucking rip off).  Hell I’ve tried starving myself (which I might be the only anorexic that could gain weight not eating).  I’ve done Weight Watchers which did nothing but take my money.  I read about the Military Diet but that menu is just ri-damn-diculous.  Not to mention it’s a fad diet and I’m sure I’d gain it all back.  So I just keep doing what I’m doing and hope that SOMETHING happens eventually.

Ok enough of fat talk.  Let’s get down to fashion.  I don’t have any vents or advice today so I’m just going to show my outfits from Friday (casual day at work) and today.

 

Ok enough of fat talk.  Let’s get down to outfits.  I don’t have any vents or advice today so I’m just going to show my outfits from Friday (casual day at work) and today.  My inspiration for Friday’s outfit came from Pinterest and today’s outfit was inspired by myself just not feeling like dressing up but I made that look pretty good if I do say so myself.  And yes the room really is that messy.  It’s our junk room.  I should clean it some day……

Friday’s outfit:

  • cardigan:  Old Navy
  • tank top:  Express
  • jeans:  Express (boyfriend cut)
  • sandals:  Aldo

Today’s outfit:

  • blouse:  Express (portofino blouse)
  • pants:  The Limited (nice because they come up high and have a thick waist band to help control the pooch)

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One of Those Days

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Have you ever wanted to just yell FUCK as loud as you can?  And I’m not talking about when you get to your car or into a pillow, I’m talking about in the moment, at your cubicle surrounded by people working, just belting out FUCK so loud that you’re not sure if you’ve made yourself deaf or tore your vocal chords because shit just got silent?  Well if you have, then you’re “almost” to how I’m feeling about today.  Almost.

I’m going to just dive into some random rants today because it’s been a long day and I’ve got to get on the treadmill so I can continue to exercise and eat right but no lose weight.  I swear I should just eat ice cream for all my meals as it clearly makes absolutely no gawd damn difference.  And all those stupid infomercials on “I lost 50lbs with just doing this” can kiss my ass.  My big, ole, dimply, cottage cheese ass.  I’m pretty sure you didn’t just lose 50lbs by jumping around like a fucking idiot for only 20minutes a day.  Ya OK, well you go ahead and do that, I’m going to go and eat a pint of ice cream and top it off with a keg of beer.  Whore.

Ok so that was a little harsh but I’m sorry, I’m frustrated and if you don’t like what you just read then sorry but that’s how some of us bigger size girls feel and I’m saying what others are thinking.

Why is it that either when you’re walking up or down the stairs or getting off an elevator, people are shocked shitless?  For example, today, walking down the stairs after lunch and there is a group of people walking up the stairs and taking up the entire fucking stairway!  Now it’s a big stairway not like your emergency exit type of stairway.  Then one of them looks at me like I’m the idiot for wanting to walk down the stairs.  Holy shit excuse me! You must think I’m bat shit nutty for wanting to walk down these stairs at the exact time you’re walking up them!  Same thing with elevators, when you’re getting off of an elevator people seem so surprised because they want to get on and you’re in their way because you’re trying to get off.  Strange thing this common sense and patience thing is.  It’s very hard to get a grasp on.

And what is the deal with no one wanting to touch doors anymore?  I get so many people that will literally (and it’s happened) run up behind me so I hold the door for them and they don’t have to touch it.  I mean, really?  The door scares you that much?  Time to face your fears because I’m not holding it for you, instead I’ll hold it open ever so little so you still have to grab the door to open it but it looks like I really tried.  Now I’m not saying that I won’t hold it open for the people who obviously have armloads of crap or the little old lady who reminds me of my grandma but if you’re looking for a free door open, sorry, not going to happen.  I’m trying to teach you how to be independent, shed those fears and touch that door!  You can do it!

Now some of you might be thinking, this bitch is crazy, does she think she’s perfect?  Nope.  In fact I’ve done more than half the things I’ve ranted about BUT I’ve admitted that I’m now that asshole and I try to make sure I correct it and not do it in the future.  Other people are just assholes.

Just sayin.

 

Ok enough is enough.  Onto fashion.  Today I saw a few or many questionable pieces out there and just have to say, if the pants are too short, then don’t try to pull it off as capris or ankle pants.  Just you’re your losses and move on.  It’s not doing anything for your figure.  Sorry it’s just all the advice I have today as I’m tired and pretty cranky.

Onto what I wore today.  I couldn’t find the time to put the outfit together on Polyvore so you just get it on me, lucky youJ

I wore:

  • Floral, sheer Henley blouse from The Loft (Spring 2014)
  • Brown pants from The Limited

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