It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged.  Alot has happened too.

For starters I lost my job last year, right after Thanksgiving.  The best part was, I was fired for saying the word “pissed”.  Feel free to laugh.  Not going to lie, it hurt like a motherfucker.  I never felt so lost in my life.  I busted my ass at this place for 7 years and got nothing in return.  The last two years there I had a real dick for a boss.  He never liked me and my feelings were mutual.  He never appreciated the work I did, never got any positive feedback from him and he was just waiting for the opportunity to let me go.  He was a gutless wonder the day he fired me too.

Anyways, took me til the end of March to find a new job.  That much time off of work literally drove me nuts.  You can only watch so much bad TV.  So I got a new job, with WAY less pay but I get to be myself which makes up for that.

Started my new job at the start of April and my first week there, my mother in law died unexpectedly.  Talk about a shot to the gut.  I loved this woman.  She never made me feel like I had to act different or judged me (at least that I’m aware of).  She was amazing to me from the very beginning.  This was a had loss for me.  Still hurts like hell and I miss her daily.  Sometimes I’ll be driving to work and I’ll start crying because a memory will pop into my head and then I realize, I’ll never see her again.

Another hard struggle for me since then has been weight.  I was down to 146 around the 1st of the year.  Now I’m pushing 165-170.  How?  I don’t know.  I exercise, I eat right, I do everything right and can’t lose anything.  I’ve done Weight Watchers and let me just say that was a BIG fucking waste of money.  Everytime I see one of those stupid fucking commercials on TV I want to throw my fist through it.  “Oh it’s just so simple I lost 10lbs within the first week, blah blah blah”  Suck it bitch.  Oh ya and the online help?  That’s a waste too.  They do nothing to help.  Whores.  So I just sit here and gain and gain and gain.  I have a doctor’s appt soon and I swear if she doesn’t help me I’m going to flip out.  The past 2 years all she’s done is remind me that I’ve consistently gained weight.  Ya, like I didn’t know that by the fact I can’t fit into half my clothes?  Thanks Captain Obvious.  What would I do without you.

I don’t think most understand how frustrating it is to try and lose weight or how it feels when you no longer like looking in a mirror, going shopping or having your picture taken because you feel fat and ugly.  I used to LOVE fashion, now I don’t even like getting dressed.  I used to think I had a great smile, makeup and hair.  Now I just feel gross.

I decided to blog again because I feel it’s the only outlet I have anymore and you can either read it and like it or don’t.  I don’t care.  This blog might be depressing some days and some days it might contain utter nonsense.  I may end up offending people and I’m not trying to, I’m just expressing myself because life is too short to just live by the rules all the time and keep opinions to yourself.

Just sayin.

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