Told you not to fret my friends that I would be back.

Unfortunately today’s post will be more ranting and a little fashion advice because I completely forgot to take pics of my daily outfits this weekend.

Let us start with Friday.  Friday was a little ‘me’ time at the salon getting my hair and nails done which is always fabulous.  Friday night was our Family Reunion Kickoff party down at the beach which got rained out so we ended up at the nearest bar.  So why do complete strangers feel the need to sit by you and tell you their entire life story?  Some say I’m rude, I prefer to just choose who I want to listen to and give a shit about.  Do I sit down and explain my morning bowel movement to you?  No but I could but since you’re not an ass doctor I’m sure you don’t really give a shit what color, smell and texture my shit was.  Hence I will not share this information with you because I know for a fact that you just don’t care.  Just like you must know that someone is not going to care about what you did that morning and afternoon and how tired you are.  We’re all tired buddy.  Suck it up please and just drink your beer.  Of course some readers may be saying to themselves how is that any different than reading your blog.  Well you chose to read it.  I didn’t walk up to him and say, “Tell me about your day.”

Saturday was the reunion.  Unfortunately I wasn’t feeling the best since I was dealing with a headache (that I had on Friday and it moved to a migraine).  With that said there really isn’t much ranting I can do at that time.  Except why do people feel the need to use their very loud voices when they are literally standing next to you.  I’m happy you can use your voice in place of a microphone so everyone (including the dead and deaf) can hear you but if I’m standing right next to you, it’s OK to use your inside voice, or in fact for some people that might have to be lowered to a whisper.  Holy fuck.

Sunday, ah Sunday.  Sunday I felt like a million bucks thanks to which are fabulous oils to help with daily ailments such as stress, migraines, insomnia, etc….  OK there’s my plug for the day.  My cousin and my aunt are distributors and I was a skeptic but the shit worked.  They helped with my headache and with my sleep that night before so I must say I’m becoming a believer.  If you are interested in these oils let me know and I can put you in contact with the people that are personal friends of mine.  This is NOT a plug and I’m NOT being paid for this.  This is just something I tried and very much liked.

Anywho, Sunday a couple of my aunt’s, my sister, and cousin’s went to the Starving Artist Fair.  Exactly what is the definition of “Starving Artist” because I don’t really truly think they are starving.  In fact I think some are the direct opposite and maybe should skip the extra snacks.  For starters it’s hotter than fuck and we were right by the lake so it was rather upsetting to me since I happen to be a size 12 and have thighs that rub together and my sweat glands are not liking the weight gain.  So I’m wearing a nice white light shirt and shorts and cussing myself out for not wearing a tank top and there are vendors selling knit hats and scarves for fall and winter.  Oh yes please, I’d like to try on that wool sweater please to see if it fits but can you just make sure that the EMT is on standby for when I pass out since my boobs are already doing the breast stroke in my bra.  And can someone explain to me why in the fuck people cannot seem to grasp the idea of walking on the correct side of the sidewalk.  Now I understand that to some they may think that they are on the right side of the sidewalk but they’re wrong because I said so.  It’s like driving a car people stay on your side of the road or I’m going to hit you head on.  Not to mention it is really just common sense.  If you see a bunch of people who are not all together and they’re walking on one side of the sidewalk then hmmmmm maybe you’re an idiot and should be on the other side! Ya think?!

After the “Starving” Artist Fair (using the word Starving very loosely) we all went to get some drinks and eats.  We go to this nice little place right off the lake and of course since it is off the lake we get to stare at these nice big yachts and feel bad about ourselves.  Now if you ask me, I think the bigger the boat, the smaller the penis because you are overcompensating for something.  I mean really do you need a boat that size?  Some were bigger than my damn house!  Apparently the recession isn’t hurting them.  Who the fuck are these people with these boats in Milwaukee and Racine, WI and why am I not friends with them because I need to be on your small penis compensating boat!  I promise I will not mention that your wife looks like a catchers mitt and that you have a small dick.  Just please let me be your friend and use you solely for your boat and your money.  Think I should put an ad out?  Who wouldn’t want to be friends with me after reading that huh? 🙂  Also, some people REALLY need to use sunscreen.  When you’re in your 20’s it’s great to have a fabulous tan and not care.  But when you start to look as weathered as a really bad fake leather purse, maybe you should slap on some SPF 35 and think of the people who have to stare at you.  It’s just not that great looking when your 30 or above to have that dark of a tan.  I don’t even think it works when you’re in your 20’s.

Yesterday (Monday), my husband and I went to the Wisconsin State Fair.  The weather sucked ass but we managed to still enjoy ourselves.  We got to our favorite place, The Micro, and bellied up to the bar.  This place was PACKED because of the rain as it’s under a solid roof, but we managed to find one stool up at the bar.  After we got our drinks I went to sit down on the stool and some bitch looks at me and says, “I just need to get a drink”.  Well you came to the right place because you’re at a bar and “I just want to sit down.”  However, I was polite and grimmaced at her and let her through, where she took about a fucking hour to decide on a beer.  I finally get to sit down and cool off since we speed walked there in hopes to miss the downpour coming.  I am sitting between this one fucking tool who is with two women in which one of them feels like her bra should also be an iPhone holder.  Yes because that is soooo not trashy at all.  Good call stupid.  He also is apparently a HUGE fan of talking to himself, he might have been waiting for either me or my husband, Chuck, to comment on one of his selfie rants but I just turned my back to him and let him continue on his one man show, although he did seem to enjoy talking to the menu too.  On the other side of me was this not so small woman with her friend.  Now I will NOT make fun of girls bigger than me as my mother was morbidly obese and by some fucking stupid standard called the BMI (which I think is horseshit) I am obese too.  I will say this though, “um bitch, lean back one more fucking time and I’m going to shove my knee up your ass.”  If you needed two stools honey, you should have grabbed them both, but now I’m here and I don’t think I want you to sit on my lap.  Finally a table opened up and I flew over to grab it and to my delight, pissed someone off in doing so as she got really excited about it but sorry, I was waiting for a table long before you.  I did consider asking her if she wanted to share the table as I would have appreciated the same but I didn’t like her face.  She had a very bitchy face and I wasn’t in the mood.  I did later ask a couple of other women if they needed to share the table with us as they were making a table out of a couple of bar stools, just didn’t seem right.

Later on in the night the rain stopped and we found a nice little wine bar tucked in a corner so we decided to wrap up the night there.  Then the fucking plastic horn brigade came through.  I swear I do NOT know why parents feel the need to purchase those stupid plastic horns when they damn well know, those kids have to come home with them.  I wanted to shove those up the kids asses so bad.  It’s the one children’s toy I cannot stand at all.  Even as a kid myself they pissed me off.

Just sayin.

Now onto some fashion before i wrap up today’s blog and prepare for the doom that is having to go back to work tomorrow.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.  I know we are all different sizes and I command those that are brave with their fashion choices but you must know that if something is tight.  If you’re a bigger girl please don’t try to squeeze in to a cami.  I know we all need relief when it’s hot out and I also know there are tank tops out there that do not suction cup to your body.  Like I said, I admire the braveness as I don’t even like wearing tank tops or cami’s but there is a line and you jumped over it.  You need to come back to the other side and admit that it’s not a good look.  I am sooo not saying that you have to dress frumpy or in loose clothing because you do not.  You can look great at any weight and I would be happy to help you if you need it.  There are times when even I know something is tight and I have to cut my losses, even though I’d rather cut the fat so I can fit into it.  It’s hard.  It’s really really hard but you gotta stop.

Another thing, your bra is NOT an iPhone holder.  You look like a fucking idiot so just stop it.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Bra’s are important.  If you are one of those women who HATE wearing a bra because they are uncomfortable then you are not wearing the right size and the right kind of bra.  Please go to your nearest lingerie store for a proper bra fitting, I beg of you.  Also, they build bras into swimsuits now so I really think that you should try one of those.  If your boobs are sagging down to your belly button in a swimsuit then it’s time for a new suit.  No one wants to see your saggy tits.  Hoist the girls up and wear them proud.

I never believe that I’m a fashionista and have room to criticize others on their fashion trends, I am a victim myself sometimes and I’m very well aware of that fact.  I just want to let others know what people are thinking.  They think it, I say it.  I’m OK with that.  I’ll be the voice that no one else has or wants because they don’t want to seem rude.  I’ll be that rude person because I have to look at you.

I really hope those of you that have been following my blog are liking it as I wouldn’t mind keeping this up and I’m sorry that there are no pictures today.  Tomorrow there will be pictures again and the pics will get better as time wears on.

Peace out bitches!